Have you ever thought about writing your own wedding vows?

Vows are the heart of any wedding ceremony. They follow the greeting and precede the exchange of rings and the announcement of your marriage. 

If you are considering your own, first make sure it is OK with your spouse. If you are both on the same page, then check with the officiant. Some religions require you use the traditional wording. Others might allow you to write your own wedding vows as long as you include certain phrases. Either way, you need to decide if they will be separate vows or you will share the same vow.

If it will be the same vow, sit down and brainstorm separately. What are the  important issues you would like included? Some questions to get you thinking are:

• how did you meet
• what were your feelings when you fell in love
• when did you decide to get married
• what is the greatest thing about the other
• why do you want to marry this person
• will there be changes once you are married

After answering some of these questions, get together and share your thoughts. You can combine these thoughts into existing vows with your own elements included.

If you are each writing you own, agree on how elaborate they should be. It would not be good if one wrote a book and the other a few sentences. Decide what would be off limits such as money, sex or politics.

If you are writing your own vows, you could start with the basic consent. I, Julie, take you Adam, as my husband. Then you can go on with statements or promises of your own.

(Name of your spouse), you are my (fill in the blank with – best friend, only true love, the one I want to spend the rest of my time with)

Today, I take you to be my (wife, husband, lawfully wedded wife or husband, life partner, equal partner)

I promise you that I will be (faithful, trust worthy, worthy of your love, your loving partner, true to you )

I vow to (insert – honor, cherish, love, respect, laugh with you, cry with you, support you in your goals, what ever it is)

(insert here the length of your vow, for example, for richer, for poorer, in sickness and in health, in all that we accomplish together) for as long as we both shall live.

Try to keep your wedding vows to three minutes or less. Why? 

• You may lose uncle Bob half way through catching a few Z’s
•  Children may decide to sing
• One of you attendants may faint
• Because it is not a good topic for discussion at the reception

If you are in front of the Justice of Peace this may not be a problem. If you have a ceremony consider the length beyond your vows. From the legal side, all that is required is the parties verbal consent.

The last thing to do when you write your own wedding vows is to practice. Especially if you are going to recite them from memory. It might not be a bad thing to have a note card just in case the jitters set in. You might want to put someone in charge of making sure the vows are at the ceremony. Either the Maid of Honor, Best Man or the officiant would be good choices.

Is there a way to choose bridal wedding party attendants and know you made the right decision?

Picking your attendants can be a social minefield.

So how do you choose the right wedding party for you?

Give yourself plenty of time to carefully select the people you’d most like to stand by your side. Remember, Once you’ve asked, there is no backtracking. It causes bad feelings and may put a rift between the two of you.

First determine your wedding’s style, budget and size. A small informal wedding looks silly with a large wedding party.

You do not have to have an equal ratio of attendants. If you have an unequal number,  group them. Four bridesmaids and three groomsmen – have two bridesmaids on each arm of one groomsmen. Another option is to have an usher stand in for the procession or for dancing.

Pick your maid of honor first. She will be your right hand gal as you go forward with your wedding plans. If you are having trouble deciding, have two maids of honor. There are plenty of duties to divide up between them. If one is married, give her the title of matron of honor.

Do not feel obligated to ask someone to be in your bridal wedding party because you were in their wedding. They may have had a larger wedding than you are having. If you are not close to that person because they moved away or you have lost touch over the years is no reason to ask them. Do not feel obligated to keep child pacts either. The other person may feel the same.

Be considerate of friends who may not be able to afford the financial burden of being involved in your bridal wedding  party. Either keep costs down or offer to help out by paying for some of the expenses yourself.

Another way to involve friends is to ask them to help out in other areas of the wedding. These include and are not limited to:

• Readers – have them read a poem or scripture during the ceremony.
• Distributor – have them hand out programs for the service. Packets of whatever is being tossed at the bride and groom after the ceremony.
• Greeter – have them welcome guests at the reception and direct them to the guest book and gift table.
• Toastmaster – have them make a toast at the reception.
• Party Promoter - have them be the first to get things rolling on the dance floor.

When choosing your bridal wedding party, try to think into the future a bit. Will these people be a major part of your life. They may be the ones to ask.

A friend who is in and out of your life may not take the duties involved in wedding planning seriously. They may come up with last minute  excuses why they can not go to prearranged appointments or parties. If your friend falls into the category of being irresponsible, they may not be a good choice. Life happens but weeding out the mostly likely candidates from the start will keep stress levels under control.

Before you set up a  registery for your wedding, lets look at the basics.

The best first step would be to take inventory of what you already both have. Next, you can jump on line or browse through magazines to see what is available.

Online just google bridal or wedding registry. The search will floor you. As far as magazines, any bridal magazine will have suggested places to register and plenty of ideas and pictures to wet the appetite.

Another place is store registries. Make a few stops at some of your favorite places to shop and browse their inventory. Depending on how involved your fiance wants to get, you may want to make these initial trips alone. With hectic schedules, you can gather information and share it with him later.

What kind of entertaining do you both enjoy?

What are your favorite colors?

What are your interests?

Do you have a hobby?

Thinking about some of these questions before you register will ensure gifts you will both enjoy receiving. I also gives your guests options and ideas of the items you are interested in.

Today the door is wide open when it comes to choosing what can be on your registry. After the two of you discuss your interest, make an appointment with a registry consultant. Try to schedule this on a week day evening to avoid crowds. By meeting with a consultant, they are able to help you coordinate color patterns and tailor the size of your list to the number of guests invited to your wedding.

In today’s world, technology makes registering a little fun. With the use of scan guns, you zap the items bar code (guys love this hands on approach) and that item is added to your list. Everything is computerized. Guests will have the list within minutes to do there shopping. Remember to choose items in several price ranges – from a $25.00 car kit to a $250.00 place setting. Some family guests or bridal parties pool together for a group gift.

Another great thing about this is the fact most stores have online sites. Ordering a gift for your wedding couldn’t be easier. In this fast paced world, a guest can order a gift over their noon lunch break or later at night after checking their email.

Gifts can be sent ahead of time for guests with prior obligations and unable to attend the wedding. And there are others organized enough to purchase a gift in advance to avoid last minute shopping when the list has less to choose from.  

OK, now for the basics. These are items you may want to consider. They are the essentials when first setting up house.

Tableware:

• 8 – 12 place settings in your chosen pattern (formal patterns usually have a dinner plate, salad/dessert plate, bread & butter plate, cup & saucer) Other additional pieces to consider are a soup/cereal  bowl, platters, gravy boat and sugar bowl and creamer. You can also register for a casual set which has four pieces. To avoid duplicates register at one store. If you don’t have much space, limit the number of setting. You can always add to the set later.

Flatware:

• Order the same quantity as you did for place settings. This includes a Dinner fork, Dinner knife, salad/dessert fork and tea dessert spoon. If you choose a formal and casual set, you can opt for a set in sterling silver and stainless steel.

Glassware:

• Again, register for the same quantity of glasses as you did for dinnerware. It maybe a good idea to have an extra set for hosting parties or family gatherings. The most used pieces are the goblet, ice beverage glass, wine glasses and or champagne flutes. Extra sets of plain old fashion glasses are a good idea too.

Cookware:

• Cookware can be registered for in sets or individula pieces. Some of the main pieces include a 10″ frying pan, griddle pan, tow and three quart sauce pans, six quart stockpot and roating pan. When choosing your cookware remember that quality is best. The better the cookware the better your heat distribution will be making for some good cooking.

Kitchen Basics:

• Some of the small kitchen appliances you might want to consider are a Blender, Electric can opener, Coffee maker, Hand Mixer, Microwave, Toaster and Food  processor. For your cutlery, it is nice to have a 8″ chef knife, Utility knife, Paring knife, Shears, Bread knife, 8 – 12 Steak knives and a Knife block to store them.

Linens:

• It is a good thing to register for at least three sets of sheets and pillow cases. Other accessories might include a Comforter, Bed skirt, extra Pillows and blankets. For the bath, register for at least three sets of towels which include the hand, face and bath towels. Think about a shower curtain, bath mats or rugs and guest towels.

Once you register, stay organized. Save mailing labels on packages. They are proof of purchases. You may need them in case of returns or exchanges. Keep track of your list and who sent what in your wedding planner. It makes sending out Thank-Yous much easier.

It seems like a daunting list to set up house doesn’t it? Keeping some of the basics in mind before registering your wedding, will save you time and  money. Once the wedding planning is over and you start your new life together, there will be plenty of other things to do besides shop for the basics.

The average cost of weddings today is putting brides and grooms in the poor house. 

Is it necessary?

Do you want to go down that road?

More couples in the U.S. pay for their wedding expenses (or portions) long after the wedding is over. According to Costofwedding.com, the average wedding cost is between $15,000 and $25,000. For some this may sound high. For others too low. It depends on what part of the country you live.

 What is the average cost in your area?

Just enter your zip code in the box below.

I hope you are all still with me. I don’t know about you, but, when I entered my zip code there was a little sticker shock. If you scrolled down to the bottom of the page there were other expenses that were not included in that price.

No surprise to anyone, this figure is expected to rise in years to come.

 Got your calculator?

OK, lets do a little figuring. Say your wedding was around $20,000.  Now, suppose you want to save up for the big event so you don’t go into debt. If you can stash away $300.00 a month, it will take you a little over seven or eight years (figure inflation) to have the money to pay for the wedding. What engaged couple, already in the planning stages, is going to want to wait that long?

The discipline to save is not easy or fun. Most couples tend to pull out the charge card and pay as they go. This is not really the answer either. Interest rates can sore to unmanageable heights. Credit card companies may have you right where they want you when it is all done and said.

Who wants to spend the first years of marriage struggling with debt? 

Is this an exaggeration? 

Statistics say no. Financial stress is the number one killer of marriages. Couples planning their weddings think they are immune to spending that much for a single day only to discover the averages were dead on.

What should you do?

Sit down and set a realistic spending allowance. One that the two of you can live with.

Take off the blinders and stop being average. Don’t plan your wedding like all others couples do. If you want to stay on budget you need to be amazing – not average.

I came across ”wedding planning on a budget“. It is an instant down load you can print out and read at your leisure. It is a planning guide to help you save thousands of dollars on your wedding.  If you don’t have extra money because:

• you have college loans
• health issues
• low paying or no job

or are taking the penny pinching route, this may be the most practical resource. It will keep the average cost of most weddings on budget. Some couples refuse to pay top notch professionals. If you fall into this category, check it out for money saving strategies that can save you a bundle.

Planning a long distance wedding might be too much to handle on your own, however, with some advanced planning and loosening of the reins it can come off with a hitch. So if you have always dreamed about getting married where you grew up, read on and see if it is possible for you.

Choose a date and location as soon as possible. This makes all the other planning easier. Pre-think everything and make sure it is in writing. This is for your protection as well as any vendors you hire.

Do as much planning as possible where you live. Purchase a wedding planning book. It will help you stay organized. All your information will be in one place and at your finger tips at any given moment. Organize it by topics. Write down details, numbers and any conservations you may need to reference later.

Get wedded to the web. You can do a google search for a specific city to aid in planning. Choose your city and state to hone relevant options.

Call your phone company and order yellow pages for your location. Sometimes this may be faster than searching online. You can also pick up a local phone directory on a home visit.

Check out the chamber of commerce. They will be able to send or email info of local vendors as well as sites you might not have thought of. 

Start a Paper Trail

Ask vendors to send you brochures and prices for the date you have selected. Names and numbers of recent brides and grooms as reference. If they are reputable, speaking with past clients of theirs will reinforce your trust in their services. If they refuse, move on. Most vendors have websites. To save time, you may opt to contact them for recent references online.

Another option is to hire a local wedding planner or someone you trust to help you stay organized. With a few phone calls, you can set appointments with several vendors. Email or phone ahead of time. Share your ideas, possible times and dates. Then on a visit home, stop in to see them.

Keep a digital camera with you at all times. If you are meeting with several vendors on a short trip home, you may forget details. Taking pictures is a great way to store less info in the mind. Having less to remember keeps the planning stress free. Reviewing pictures back home will refresh any thoughts as long as you take the pictures.

Parents, one or both sets, can be a huge help with wedding plans. They will know local vendors if this is an option. Take advantage of having someone you can trust back home to over see any decisions you make from a distance. Family or friends will have your best interest at heart. If possible, delegate some of the planning to them.

Leave as much time as possible for short trips back home. If there is a holiday some where in between take advantage of following up with any plans you are concerned about. Ask questions if you are unsure about anything.

Let email be a quick line of communication. You never know when someone will have questions. You can email parents, friends or vendors if anything changes at any hour of the day/night.

It is highly recommended that you meet in person with vendors to avoid any disappointments the day of you wedding. Make a few quick phone calls and set up appointments to coincide with a trip home. Vendors will be prepared for your visit and you will be using the limited time you have wisely.  Plan:

• visits to your ceremony/reception location
• clergy
• caterer and cake maker
• photographer/videographer
• hair salon/nail tech
• florist

Keep in mind such things as tuxedos. These are best rented locally. It is one less thing to carry with you during travel. Returning them will be hassle free especially if one of the groomsmen lives in the city of your wedding location. With a “pretty please” he may offer his services of being in charge of their return.

Stay organized. Make lists and stick to them. Trust that you will get married even if some small detail is over looked. Don’t sweat the small stuff. 

As the big day draws near, double check your planning and have that long distance wedding you dreamt about.