Have you ever thought about writing your own wedding vows?

Vows are the heart of any wedding ceremony. They follow the greeting and precede the exchange of rings and the announcement of your marriage. 

If you are considering your own, first make sure it is OK with your spouse. If you are both on the same page, then check with the officiant. Some religions require you use the traditional wording. Others might allow you to write your own wedding vows as long as you include certain phrases. Either way, you need to decide if they will be separate vows or you will share the same vow.

If it will be the same vow, sit down and brainstorm separately. What are the  important issues you would like included? Some questions to get you thinking are:

• how did you meet
• what were your feelings when you fell in love
• when did you decide to get married
• what is the greatest thing about the other
• why do you want to marry this person
• will there be changes once you are married

After answering some of these questions, get together and share your thoughts. You can combine these thoughts into existing vows with your own elements included.

If you are each writing you own, agree on how elaborate they should be. It would not be good if one wrote a book and the other a few sentences. Decide what would be off limits such as money, sex or politics.

If you are writing your own vows, you could start with the basic consent. I, Julie, take you Adam, as my husband. Then you can go on with statements or promises of your own.

(Name of your spouse), you are my (fill in the blank with – best friend, only true love, the one I want to spend the rest of my time with)

Today, I take you to be my (wife, husband, lawfully wedded wife or husband, life partner, equal partner)

I promise you that I will be (faithful, trust worthy, worthy of your love, your loving partner, true to you )

I vow to (insert – honor, cherish, love, respect, laugh with you, cry with you, support you in your goals, what ever it is)

(insert here the length of your vow, for example, for richer, for poorer, in sickness and in health, in all that we accomplish together) for as long as we both shall live.

Try to keep your wedding vows to three minutes or less. Why? 

• You may lose uncle Bob half way through catching a few Z’s
•  Children may decide to sing
• One of you attendants may faint
• Because it is not a good topic for discussion at the reception

If you are in front of the Justice of Peace this may not be a problem. If you have a ceremony consider the length beyond your vows. From the legal side, all that is required is the parties verbal consent.

The last thing to do when you write your own wedding vows is to practice. Especially if you are going to recite them from memory. It might not be a bad thing to have a note card just in case the jitters set in. You might want to put someone in charge of making sure the vows are at the ceremony. Either the Maid of Honor, Best Man or the officiant would be good choices.